Last Night

 

Last night I was watching “Panic in Needle Park"
1971 with Al Pacino playing a junkie
And what’s her name?  Kitty Winn… playing his girlfriend
A sweet girl but then, inevitably, a junkie and then a whore.
He betrays her and then she turns him in when she gets in trouble.
Nothing personal really and when he gets out of jail
And sees her... a perfect ending.  He says "You comin?"
Junkies in New York.  I knew this one and that one.
All dead now and I remember John calling me
"I have bad news we lost Kevin."  "Lost?"
This one and that one and I would remember if I could.
But instead I feel desperate for 1971 to see what's left
What will be left which is a certain slur of colors
There out on the streets and this is what will be left:
The movie.  Need a dime to make a call.  Yes.
The VW the narcs drive now looking so strange.
But at the end a slur of color.  And I am grateful even for this.

Today my father is dying.  Went in won't come out.
"Failure to thrive"  Which means he won't eat.  Doesn't want to eat.
Just two weeks ago not all there then he still
Asked me if I could go home and get his razor.
The good one.  And pointed at the tree outside his window.
And said something.  But now my brother says even
That whatever is gone him gone except for the part
That worries about how he's going to pay for all this.
Which I am grateful for.  I remember the old lady
in the Williams' poem on her last ride seeing trees
A blur asking "What are those?"  "Trees"
"I'm tired of them too."  So much is left behind.

Which is the easy thing to say but not right.
Or at least you know that this one and that one
Is gone and there was a certain look.
Tired then I remember of the bullshit of, for example, war
And then tired of the bullshit about the bullshit of war
And then not even tired or now so what but
I would remember if I could.  I'd remember my father if I could.
2AM stomach pains.  He called my brother to take him.
Chinese doctor in the emergency room and my father asks
"Are you Jewish?"  The doctor laughs.  And my father says.
"Why are you laughing?  It's not funny.  I need a professional here."