Jesus said "No, I'm really not cross."
And gave his fine head a toss.
He was ironic
With no gin and tonic
And could play piano like Luther Vandross.

And he sat and tickled the keys
While his mother Mary said, "Please,
If you get out of this bar
You'll get really far!"
But he just played "Manganese."

And he played and played that Thursday night.
Got drunk and got into a fight.
But by midnight felt good
Like he knew that he would.
And played "Round Midnight" just right.

Jesus peered down in Lazarus' grave
thinking, "Man I don't think I can save
people who've died.
But he gave it a try
and out popped the kid with a wave.

Said all of those gathered around
"Man this Jesus guy sure can astound!"
But the Jews and the Romans,
saw his Acts as bad omens
and vowed that they'd soon bring him down.

Lazarus cried "Was it your marvelous staff?"
Jesus wept which made Lazarus laugh.
Said "You did it for me!"
Jesus said "I guess we'll just see.
Maybe I'm writing my own epitaph."

Jesus prayed "Father, please let this all pass."
Lazarus said "Here, you take my ass.
And ride into the town
Wearing this crown
And show them that Jews have some class!"

They cried "It's Jesus the marvelous Yid!"
They were awfully proud of that kid.
They said "Show us a miracle
Beyond the empirical!"
And Jesus felt strange so he did.

He listened to all of their wishes
And multiplied the loaves and the fishes
And served fine Syrian wine
And Tennessee moonshine
And some potato latkes and knishes.

He cast devils into the swine Gadarene
But the coolest thing that they seen
Was a Porsche 550 Spyder
With a marvelous rider
Who, it turned out, was James Dean.

Jesus said "Now, we're ready to ride
And jumped right in right beside
Said "C'mon I'm leadin'
To the East of Eden!"
Which pleased    
James Dean who had died.

 

Jesus was not really with it
He was called a Flibbertigibbet
Hence his birth
On this railroad Earth
And the time spent on the gibbet.     

 

 

Jesus remarked to the Buddha
I really wish that I would a
Had your sang froid
Before the dreaded damn void.
"Yes," Buddha replied, "You should a."

 

Peter denied Jesus Thrice
Which really wasn't that nice
But he had hope
To be the first Pope
So denial had to suffice.         

 

My mother said "You go to Mass!"
My Dad said he'd kick my ass
So I pretended to go
Thought they wouldn't know.
Except there was this girl in my class

Who heard me tell my friend Steve
Of a sin she could hardly believe
That I went to the drugstore on Main
And there did disdain
The Mass! She found it hard to believe!

And of course she told her dear mom
And mine, of course lost her aplomb
When she heard of my sin
That,of course, was within
Her son. Ah, then the pogrom!

 

I remember Johnny Wasko's white coffin.
I used to think of it often
The funeral home dim
The mourners quite grim
And enough holy incense to get lost in.

And I remember his Dad
Who was ever since then so damn sad
He fixed our TV
And once said to me
"You remind me of the boy I once had."

Ah, Christ and then came the end
He didn't know I was Johnny's friend
On some snowy street
His final defeat
And nothing at all to transcend.